NUMBER 4
Number 4
By Alex Ness
January 21, 2024
LIFE
I am exhausted, in pain, driven by madness. Wherever our world is going, madness, or utopia I do believe in humans. I don't agree all the time, but IF you suppose because I am a Christian that that = "Republican" (for me it does not) you might wonder how I could be married to a woman who is an enormous liberal, or in America a "Democrat"(for her, it does not).
I think most right wingers are cynical about humanity. They assume the worst. My wife teaches, led a classroom, now a school. She doesn't see color. She doesn't see wealth or poverty. She sees children as equal, all deserving an education, and to be loved. It is people like her that motivate me. She moves me to love others. I have PTSD from a few events, and she gave me reason to not be overwhelmed by it. She helped heal me from most of that, except the flashbacks, which go on forever.
Yes, I now have hope and I have reason to go on. My life long battle with suicidal ideation goes on, but it will not end my efforts to do the right thing. Yes I can be an enormous asshole. But I have friends, family, loved ones, who inspire me to treat others with kindness. Someone in my life is deeply mentally ill, and has time and again attacked me, and when in a less manic mode realized how unfair it was. We are not friends, and will not be again, but, they still deserve kindness. We all deserve that. Even if you are not friends another person, they deserve kindness. I'm struggling with many things. Right now, it is mostly the freaking cold. I live in MN so I've no right to complain, so, just take it as being cold, and thinking, do I prefer this to steaming hot summer... and I do.
STUFF
I'm grateful to many people in the comic book world for keeping me focused upon surviving cancer, and more. Erik Larsen, Mike Baron, Bryan Glass, Joe Monks kept me afloat as I was so depressed that I might've acted upon my suicidal ideation. They made me feel like I was worth something. The music world did so too. The band the Swallows and their many tangent groups (individuals from the Swallows each have their own projects/groups), and they treated me very kindly. Composer/Cellist/Bassist Aaron Kerr composed music to accompany lyrics I wrote for many CDs. We may never afford to release them, but he gave me the respect and kindness to collaborate with me. I might never succeed. But they all gave me hope when I had no reason to have it. And I am grateful.
OFFER
2 Viking books, a postcard of my work and a cd by Aaron Kerr ODIN ... all new. $25 postage paid.
AlexanderNess63@gmail.com to claim your set. Paypal only. In the US only